he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
