Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
