I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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