am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
