something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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