so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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