Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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