He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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