you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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