Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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