the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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