6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I could fuck to npr.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
