Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
