she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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