I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
