At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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