That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
