pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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