YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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