i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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