I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
