if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
