i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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