i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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