Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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