I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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