for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
