Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
