Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
