so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
