What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
