I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
