Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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