Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
