is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
