he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
