he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
