my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently you make a good broom.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
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How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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