They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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