That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
