Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
