If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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