I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
