True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
