So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
