i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
