Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
