The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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