goodnight i made you a song goodbye
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
