i think my mom watched the whole time
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
