your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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