I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
