Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
