oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
