Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
