Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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