dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
