all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
