Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
