She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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