No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize