Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
