proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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