You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
