I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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