i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
