Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
