i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i love accidental penises.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
