There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
